There’s a number of reasons why I disliked blogging about my medical school experiences. One of them was that ‘ I find medical students tak be very shallow, well that’s what you get when you take a 17 year old baby an make him grow around dying people.
Medical school people are a strange bunch, medicine is a strange field in its self.
You see we learn about giving ‘life’ but in that same process we are learning about taking it. We learn about great medicines like morphin which can give you life and take it away.
I don’t do well with ironies. Previously I started blogging as a way of sorting and structuring my thought, making them more tangable.
My life revolves around endless medical content, this is great, because it atleast keeps my mind calm and intrigued, but I fear the shallowness of medicine.
I fear seeing the heart as a blood pump. I fear having answers to most things, we learn because we live, what happens when we have learned all we could? Well maybe such a point does not exist.
But I am taught by expects in their fields, man and women who have spend all their time learning the eyeball, the heart and 2 lungs, many of them are amazing doctors but suck as fathers.
I wa sharing how lonely studying medicine can be, we stay awY from people we love for so long and learning about illnesses.
The jeourney seems long and lonely. She said to me, great people do not have friends, great dad’s do not make great doctors. This scares the sunshine out of me.
I want to be a brilliant doctors, well I will be, but I also kinda want to share my life with someone special, and learn to ride a horse.
But my abitions! My ambitions have employed me full time and I think the sad part is ‘ I love and enjoy it’ to a point where I don’t care, ridding horses when you can understand the electro-conductions of the heart.
I don’t find joy in playing bridge or crazy8 with friends when you be dissecting a cadavour.
This not caring scares me and for a long time I did not want to blog about it but writing is how I make sense of turmoil.